yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
