Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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