I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
