i don't like sucking hair
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
