If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
