i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
