I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
