Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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