You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
