one two three fourrrrnication!
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
