That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
God, I missed his penis.
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