You're so nebulous sometimes
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
