i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize