you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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