No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
