Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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