on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
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This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
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Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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