were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
