No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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