This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize