a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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