I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
