Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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