R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
one might say we're banned from that church
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
