remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
