I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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