I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
