Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
