she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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