I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize