At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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