The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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