she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Your cock deserves a montage
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
