Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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