I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.