glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
