Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
