Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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