somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
