Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
