you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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