I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
