i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
