yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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