How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
