I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
