New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
