So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
