shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
