Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
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I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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