There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
