If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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