Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
