No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Found the puke drawer
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
