I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
