That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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