She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
