i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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