so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
