remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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