We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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