i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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