So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
