i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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