sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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