is your mom at the bar?
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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