it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
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